O Kidney, Where Art Thou?
by A-Hard-Days-Night
Summary: After Percy refuses to snog him, Oliver attempts to steal Percy's kidney. Fluffy, [PercyOliver] Slash.


_I love it when ideas come to you at 2 in the morning. Here's a short, fluffy, cute,little Percy/Oliver slash. Oh how I love this pairing; they're just so adorable together._

_Anyways, I don't own Harry Potter, never did. And this is slash, meaning two boys paired together romantically. Don't like, don't read._

_- Dana_

* * *

Percy Weasley clapped a slender hand over his gaping mouth. "You asked for it, Oliver Wood," he said, voice muffled, through his fingers. "No more Percy kisses for you."

Oliver gasped in mock horror. "You can't possibly take away the Percy love!" He dramatically clutched his heart while his back faced the full moon, causing an angelic like glow around the outline of his silhouette. Percy snorted. Oliver was _anything_ but angelic.

"Unless you take it back, this hand is remaining over my mouth." Percy snorted with an air of smug satisfaction only Percy could pull off.

"No way I'm taking it back. You know perfectly well that you're a prat," Oliver said matter-of-factly. Percy's eyes widened considerably from behind his hand.

"Fine, then there's no way I'm moving my hand." Percy stuck out his tongue, then realized that the effect was pointless for his hand was not transparent.

"Fine." Oliver pouted and took a step closer to Percy. "I'll just have to snog your left hand from now on. It's different from what I'm used to, but hey, I'm a Quidditch player, I can adapt." He gave Percy's hand a sloppy, wet lick across the back of his knuckles.

"Ew," Percy said as if he were back at Hogwarts and still retained his Head Boy status, and wiped the back of his hand on the chest of Oliver's sweater. "Gross."

"That's definitely not what you said last night, love. It was more along the lines of: _Oooh, Oliver. Yes, ooh God. More, Oliver, yes, guh!"_ Oliver smirked while eyeing Percy's hand. "You know what, I think I'll give this hand snogging thing another go."

Oliver lunged for Percy's hand and managed to slobber over it once more; Percy ripped it out of lip range – or at least tried to. Oliver's Quidditch reflexes were much too fast for Percy's academically trained mind. He brought the resisting hand greedily to his mouth and began sucking lightly on the fingertips, sending shivers up and down Percy's spine.

"Ahem."

The two men started and stumbled, then looked up, hand still pressed to Oliver's lips, to face the unknown speaker who turned out to be an elderly man taking a midnight stroll with his elderly wife.

"Uh, hello – hello there," Percy stammered.

Oliver laughed. "You two are probably wondering what two men like ourselves are doing in an odd situation like this? Well," Oliver continued as the couple nodded tentatively. "I am simply thanking this man for kindly giving me his kidney. You see if it weren't for Percy here, I'd be dead. Dead. Dead. Dead."

Oliver smiled sweetly, and Percy nodded profusely.

"That's, uh – That's very sweet of you, young man," the woman said to Percy before steering her husband as far away as possible from the two crazy men.

"You know," Oliver said, turning to Percy, as soon as the couple was out of earshot. "Those two are going to _very_ disappointed when they find out that you really didn't hand me over one of your kidneys. They'll think you're an uptight wanker with a large stick up his scrawny arse, which isn't far from the truth actually."

Percy's hand silently found its way to his mouth again. "Well, you can't do anything about that, now can you, Oliver?"

"That's not entirely true." Oliver grinned.

"And how do you figure?" Percy took a step back from Oliver manic, twinkling eyes.

"For starters you could give me a nice, juicy kidney." Oliver smiled sheepishly and made a grab for Percy's torso.

"Ok, that would be my left lung, Oliver. _Not_ my kidney."

"Same basic area on the human body," Oliver protested with one of his famous pouts plastered upon his perfect face.

Percy wrinkled his freckled nose and took another step back from the kidney stealing Quidditch player. "Get away from my kidneys," he said what would have been a warning if the corners of his mouth hadn't twitched with his every word.

"There is only one way that I will not steal your kidney, Percy Weasley," Oliver spun and announced loudly to a non-existent audience.

"Oh yeah?" Percy crossed his arms. "And what would that be?"

Oliver took in a deep breath. "Are you sure you want to hear it? I mean, it is quite harsh."

"I like to live a dangerous life," Percy stated through narrowed eyes. Oliver threw his head back and laughed wildly at Percy's remark.

"We both know that's not true, Mister-I've-never-taken-a-day-off-work-before."

Percy snorted loudly at the Quidditch player. "I can be risky. Yesterday, I wrote a report in blue ink instead of the common green ink. It's not illegal or anything, but it is frowned up by many in the Ministry."

"Oh, Merlin," Oliver exclaimed to his 'audience'. "Call the healers, Percy Weasley has officially gone insane."

Percy exhaled audibly.

"Anyways," Oliver began seriously. "Are you sure you want to know the option? Giving up a kidney may be the safer route in this painful dilemma."

"I will decide when I hear option number two, thank you very much."

"Sure?"

"Yes."

"Positive."

"Oliver –"

"Fine." Oliver unsuccessfully brushed a strand of hair out of his eyes. "I will not steal your kidney as long as Percy Weasley is open for snogging again," he concluded with a victorious grin replacing his sheepish one.

"I see," Percy said and mentally stroked his chin. "You are perfectly right, that _is_ revolting. I think I'll have to go with giving you my kidney," Percy laughed as Oliver's grin faltered. "Which do you prefer? Left or right?"

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_Thanks for reading!_

_If you review, I give outvirtual cookies of your choice!_

- Dana (haldir-lives13. livejournal. com)


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